Editor's note:
  The following were transcribed from nearly illegible pieces of 
  FORM B, Approved for Use in Purdue University and Norwich Agricutural
  Products note paper stained with mixed candle wax and aluminum foil.
  Many of the entries appeared to have been written by deranged or drunk
  individuals.

EXCERPTS FROM THE PROCEDINGS OF THE 1977 BERTERMANN TRIBUNAL

One cord of firewood divided by 3 and and multiplied by 2 equals one
fuckuvalot. A helluvalot is bigger than a fuckuvalot by a helluvalot.
10 to the 37th power FLSP (fleaspoons) = 1 fuckuvalot. Ten to the 37th
power FLSP = 2/3 of a cord of firewood. A fuckuvalot is smaller than a
helluvalot by a helluvalot. As concerns time, a fuckuvalot is done more
times that 17 per old week per cycle.

Date: 137

First International

ICTHY why Tuna Hell Year
Feces Magnu Pisces

What has been bugging us all?
What is the name?

HG Bertermann  H
H.G. Bertermann
HTMCI-GH Bertermann

Fleasoon -> Great Tuna
Fleaspoon, therefore Great Tuna
Fleaspoon ergo Tuna
QED

PURDUE SUCKS
Contains all truth

Down Straight Dogma
Haram is unfallible.

Measurement System

TUNECTRIC
TUNAMETRIC
TUNATIC
SCHMEDLEY GURDLEY

The Proceedings Proceed

Can a person who wants to be a tuna be a tuna?
It's irrelevant.

If ye desire to be a Tuna before thee knows what a Tuna be, question the
concept of thy values. Think twice what and why ye think at all.
Recognise the symbol "twice" times trinity. Repeat the results 1, 2, 3.
The number of the beast appears. 666 is 18 times 37. On base 3, 37 is
the stable element of the set which gives 111, 222, 333, 444, 555, etc.
This could be literally improved for better communication. But I've
diverted from our original premise - what bullshit - from the question
of what's a Tuna and what is not. "Will you take an oath of fatalism?"
"Will Schmedley smile?" Are there qualities? Is there a common ground?
If you can define your way out of it, you are forced to define the terms
of definition, then the definition becomes unending Tuna lore. The moral
or morale of this tail is not in desire but on the fish.

In the name of the great Cave Tuna, Haram, and HTMC HTMSI-GH Bertermann &
What the fuck is a Tuna?

page 37

R-Hogs

R-Hogs can be dispatched by the Mayor of Lafayette or the Governor. They
are specifically designed to destroy all non-white persons. They eat
hippies and negroes. They smell out unpretentious eating establishments
that have fair prices and destroy them, as well as anything fair, just,
or humane.