THE REAL ORIGIN OF THE WORD "TUNA"
By D. Gonar

The real origin of the word tuna as used by members of the HELLS TUNAS

ONE DAY IN THE UNION BUILDING, MAD MURRY THE TOAD AND CARL THE ELF WERE 
PLAYING POOL. THIS EVENT OCCURED IN THE WINTER OF 1966-1967. THE GAME 
CAME TO THE POINT WHERE TOAD HAD A STRAIGHT IN SHOT OF THE SEVEN BALL 
INTO THE CORNER POCKET.

THE SEVEN BALL WAS TETERING ON THE LIP OF THE POCKET TO THE EXTENT THAT A 
GENTLE BREEZE WOULD HAVE BEEN SUFICIENT TO CAUSE IT TO FALL IN.  THE CUE 
BALL WAS POSITIONED ABOUT 7.37 INCHES AWAY IN A STRAIGHT LINE. THIS IS 
REFERED TO AS A PUD SHOT IN POOL HALL PARLANCE. 

TOAD , IN HIS USUAL BRASH MANNER TOOK THE BUTT END OF HIS CUE STICK AND 
MASHED IT DOWN INTO THE CUE BALL AND THE TABLE.

THE CUE BALL TOTALLY MISSED THE SEVEN BALL, TRAVELED TO THE RAIL AND 
BOUNCED TOWARD THE OTHER END OF THE TABLE.

AT THIS POINT IT HIT ONE RAIL, THEN ANOTHER RAIL AND TRAVELED BACK TO THE 
END OF THE TABLE WHERE THE SEVEN BALL PATIENTLY WAITED. AFTER STRIKING 
YET ANOTHER RAIL, THE CUE BALL FINALLY NUDGED THE SEVEN BALL, CAUSING IT 
TO FALL INTO THE POCKET. 

THIS SO OUTRAGED THE ELF THAT HE SCREAMED AT TOAD: 

"YOU FISH!!!!!!"

TOAD HAD NO RECOURSE BUT TO SCREAM BACK:

"YOU MACKERAL!!!!!!"

THIS LEAD TO AN EXCHANGE OF VARIOUS FISH NAMES:

"YOU HERRING!!!!!"

"YOU TROUT!!!!!"

"YOU BASS!!!!!"

"YOU PERCH!!!!"

AND THEN FOLLOWED THE FATEFUL EXCLAMATION WHICH HAS ALTERED THE COURSE OF 
EVENTS IN THE KNOWN TUNAVERSE: TOAD HOLLARED BACK "YOU TUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

SINCE THAT FATEFUL DAY, ANYTIME ANYONE NEEDED A TERM OF DERISION OR 
DISGUST, THE WORD TUNA AUTOMATICALLY CAME TO THE FOREFRONT.